Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Take or Give....?

Most of us feel that we are doing our duty by taking care of our old parents/parents-in-law. Yes, I agree and accept that we are helping them by providing them the shelter, food and immediate help in case of medical urgency. We feel mighty proud, if we are able to do this so called duty. But have we ever sat back and realized, by providing them with these simple basic necessities, we are binding them to the family duties and not relieving them of it. Most of you would say that we tell them to rest, but is it possible in true sense?

They monitor the battalion of servants that we have . They take care of the bills and last but not the least our children are well cared. We, in order to raise in the corporate ladder have numerous office parties to attend to, tours and stay late night in offices , as our parents take care of our house.

But when our parents need to go out on any occasion, they would probably think about our office tour plans and our children’s exam schedule. But come to think of it, this is what they did in their young age also. Very few people of our generation had their grand parents stay with them . So, the onus of bringing us up was solely on them . Creche , probably was very few and unheard off. They sacrificed their trips for our exams and saved their money so that we can go out for picnics/excursions.

Why do we not give them an opportunity to live their life , visit us when they want and not when we want them. Most of you would probably argue that they need to live with us so that they feel belonged to, but have we ever given them a choice?

I use this opportunity to thank my parents and numerous other parents who take care of their grand children with the same love that they showered on us.

P.S. : My mother does not agree to the above view. She feels that these are not mundane chores and besides having children and grand children make them feel young and the need to live.


Anonymous said...

"Why do we not give them an opportunity to live their life , visit us when they want and not when we want them"

I agree with this and I have decided that I will not stay with my son once he has he is married.

Inder said...

may be we should look at it as 'give and take' instead of 'give or take'. symbiotic relation is great. the key is that we should take care not to allow symbiosis to become obligation.

Jinguchakka said...

I fully agree with you as I too feel a bit guilty about using my mom as such.

chitra said...

inder : when do we give to our parents to make it symbiotic. We seem to be always taking from them.

Saroj : Yes, most of our gen prbbly would no say that , but when our children need us, we prbbly wd end up helping them .

jinguchakka : Probably that's what moms are for.

Gangadhar said...

Nice post Chitra..
And me thought about this long time back,and delivered my thoughts here at Senescence

take care

starry nights said...

Nice post Chitra. I think it gives granparents and parents a purpose to live.they are not just sitting around.

How do we know said...

I think i agree with ur mom..

Pritika Gupta said...

I too agree with ur Mom

dharmabum said...

ideally, i feel it is the age when a man (that includes woman, obviously!) shud be relieved of his familial & professional responsibilities, so that he can start seeking beyond the mundane.

but then again, it is an idealistic view. for most people need mundane reasons to live, and so it isn't a bad idea. for most people seem to enjoy all this - paying bills, changing nappies and so on :)

KK said...

Excellent post Chitra!
Its a very nice way to think. I agree with you. But the other thing, is since the grand parents will feel bored staying alone, wont the grand children be good way to enjoy their day? Like I have heard at older age people will need company, else they feel very left out. So isnt it better to be together?

Krithika said...

A very good post and something close to my heart. This what I have noticed with my parents and parents-in-law. They want to be involved in every day running of the house. My mother wants to participate in every decision making process be it servant, school fees or buying kids clothes. She feels greatly offended if we ask her take rest or mingle with friends of her own age. My in-laws feel the same way. I dont think they want to be cut-off from their grand kids' activities. They want to be a part of it.