Monday, December 04, 2006

Profound Thought

My beautician once commented that we accept unconditionally our parents , siblings and children, despite their defects and handicaps but when it comes to spouse, we do have difficulties .

Yes, no matter what, we don’t discard our parents/siblings /children and remain loving to them, but in case of spouse, we find it hard to accept and it takes time and often we compromise which is not actually accepting.

15 comments:

dharmabum said...

nice seeing your posts after such a long time...

would beg to disagree though. IMHO, accepting parents/sibings/children unconditionally does NOT happen a rule. many parents have problems when children grow up and fail to meet their expectations. children have problems, even tend to avoid parents in their old age. siblings will get along well till it comes to a question of money...

on the other hand, there are couples who learn to accept unconditionally, but that takes time and effort. i suppose it comes with a lot of maturity.

the tree is green & the sky is blue. it is simple things like this that we implicitly accept. i never cry and stomp because i want a tree with say, purple leaves, do i? it is only when it comes to other human beings, that problems arise...

accepting unconditionally is like a penance, it is just not easy.


PS: my turn, i suppose for a lnog rant. sorry

PPS: have JUST learnt blogrolling. and have linked you. that ok with u, i presume?

chitra said...

db,
i liked the phrase " Accepting unconditionally is like a penance"

Inder said...

simple. with parents, siblings and children, we are not left with any other option. we don't choose them. they are what they are whether we like their ways or not. it is not the case with the spouse. a spouse is chosen. when we choose a spouse, we look for certain qualities. when we later find out that our spouse is not the way thought or that we had overlooked certain qualities, we obviously end up disappointed. we wish we had been more careful while choosing. :)

Sujit said...

with parents and siblings.. the bond already exists.. and you cannot change that!.. and as inder says you choose your choice :).. and what comes out as a result of your choice.. what it is!

priya said...

We don't mind if its the same blood or family right. But a husband is a thrid person whom you know only you get married unless its love. Still they are strangers and thaz why it takes time to read and understand.

Krithika said...

With parents, siblings, children it is blood bond ... we dont choose them. I guess law also understands this fact..divorce only exists for a husband and wife ...

starry nights said...

So true.we accept and defend people who are in our family no matter what, but when an outsider steps in we feel it is ok to find fault. Human behavior I think.

KK said...

I think its because we are given a choice to choose. Whereas the relationships that you have mentioned, we do not choose them, they are given to us. For anything, we live with things that are forced to us where as try avoiding the same when given an option.

dharmabum said...

chitra,
am glad u liked it.
in any case, what i meant was that acceptance doesn't come easy - am sure u'd agree. any form of tapasya (penance) is fraught with with difficulties.
in this context, i suggest you read bishwanath ghosh's article on the indian express magazine section (dated 2 dec) - very well written. more importantly, very sane & mature thinking.

chitra said...

Inder and Sujit,
Whether it is chosen by us, or our parents, I believe in destiny and I feel marriages are made in heaven. As God gave us our parents etc, he chose our spouse too. If we accept that, wouldnt our life been simpler.

Priya

:)Strange is thae fact they remain strangers. Even after living fr more than decades, spouses are poles apart and probably would walk out if nt for the society.

Krithika,

Divorce , It is still nt that prevalent here, but how many of us can say that our parents were truly compatible. But they adjusted , but probably in some cases they havent accepted and left it as their fate.

KK,

Who defined the fact we have no choice in case of parents and why were we given a choice in case of spouse?

Starry

:) That is what i am not able to understand... As db says there are many cases where the siblings fight and chldren get seperated, but they are defensive. I can shout at my mom/dad and fight with my sisters but , others should bt badmouth abt them, right?

Nice to have you back with us.


Shankari :

Though you havent posted your views, as requested by you, I have replied back .

chitra said...

Oh...quite a powerful statement! My say - we are moulded into what we are by our parents and siblings. We grow up under their care (parents) and with them (siblings) and along with it grows our thoughts, decisions etc. It's like a blind trust. Even if there's some major misunderstanding, we think twice to break this bond because
1. We would not have anyone to turn to in times of trouble.
2. It's like severing the umbilical cord.

Regarding choosing husbands, by the time we do choose our husbands, we would be in a position to know what exactly we want...from life..and from its inhabitants. We are no longer in that 'moulding' stage, you see. That's why some people go for child-marriages (they are still conducted in some parts of Rajasthan) - the children are not given that chance at all to exert that authority and freedom.

Uh...oh...long comment...too long comment...a mini-post :-)!

chitra said...

Chitra dear,

So, is it ego that we build up during the years, play a crucial part.

Gangadhar said...

We choose to love our kids unconditionally for obvious reasons. Why can't we choose to love a spouse with that finality?
Chitra,the reason might be selfishness and immaturity....,perhaps?

Pritika Gupta said...

Quite true.. we often have quite a lot expectation from our spouse.. we want him/her to be perfect.. maintained..good looking.. I am very lazy in maintaining my self.. so is my spouse.. but we still have expectation with each other.. forcing us to pay atleast some attention to our look.

Shankari said...

'Shankari :

Though you havent posted your views, as requested by you, I have replied back .'


Did too - at long last! :)

Der hui aane mein mujhko, shukr hai phir bhi aayi toh! ;)